Festival Season is upon us. An entire summer of the best and worst live music, laid out for fans willing to travel hours to stand in mud and enjoy
This is Part One of Ministry of Sound's Music Festival truths. An A-Z of reality, if you will, because we know just as well as you that with the soaring highs of a weekend in the countryside come the crashing lows of trench foot and poor hygiene.
A is for aching. Which is precisely what your back and bones will be doing after four nights of sleeping on a deflated air mattress. You can just visualise the pump collecting dust under your bed.
Bum bags. Because let’s face it, there is no apparel more crucial than what our US counterparts have gently dubbed the ‘fanny pack’.
Crying- during Kanye’s Glastonbury set, or when you realise that yes, you'd take Dave Grohl in a wheelchair over watching Florence and the Machine getting stuck in the rigging of the Pyramid stage.
Digging a hole to poo in because you'd rather face the apocalypse than the toilets on the Monday morning.
Ecstatic moments of revelation (~‾▿‾)~
Front man politics. Because where’s a better place to vocalise your record label hardships than in front of a crowd of people who aren’t entirely sure who you are.
Glampers. Since the rise of the touch screen, paying an extra 100 quid for a weekend of phone battery seems like a drop in the ocean when your socials need updating.
H...ave no idea? Precisely the way you'll be feeling at 2 in the morning on Saturday when you've lost your phone, your mates and your dignity.
Jumping around like a madman in the mud - you only have a few years to pogo your life out to the Prodigy before your knees, neck and ankles give out - make full use of them while you can.
K-hole. Or any other sort of black abyss induced by lack of sleep, lack of hydration and lack of comfortable place to rest your head.
Check back here for part two.
