The English language is a wonderful thing, ever developing and mutating to keep up with changes in society. Dance music, club culture and DJing have had a huge impact on countless people over the years, so perhaps it’s time this was reflected in the language - maybe it’s time that we came up with some new words that can express the particular and often very specific experiences of the DJ and clubber. Welcome to the first in our series, Words That Don’t Exist But Should!

 

dance-armstrong 

/‘dɑːns ˈɑːmˌstrɒŋ

Noun:

A DJ who plays a pre-programmed set and ‘mimes’ their mixes.

 

We’ve all seen you, don’t think we don’t know what you’re up to, we’re not even shocked any more, we’re just disappointed, you’ve let yourself down, you’ve let your fellow DJs down, but most of all you’ve let yourself down. Go to your room and have good think about what you’ve done.

 

 

discofear

/‘ˈdɪskəʊ fɪə

Noun:

The acute anxiety experienced before DJing that every piece of music you've ever bought is terrible and that the crowd are going to hate you.

 

Discofear is an inexplicable physiological affliction that visits most DJs at least once in their career, often mid-week after a particularly heavy session, but also sometimes just before a big gig. You are suddenly convinced that everything, “is rubbish”, none of your music is any good, they’re “not going to get it” and maybe you should just go home. It usually passes after the first track when you remember that in fact, you’re DJing and everything is brilliant. Hurrah!

 

 

headphoney

/‘hɛd ˈfəʊni

Noun:

One of those extra DJs, normally wearing a black t shirt, who stands next to the actual DJ and fiddles unnecessarily with buttons on machines that aren’t turned on.

 

Not as full-on deceitful as a dance-armstrong but every bit as awks, a headphoney’s level of fakery extends merely to needlessly tweaking controls and showing off. They may also be skilled at clapping, pointing, and wearing black t-shirts.

 

 

itchyhawtin

/ˈɪʧi hɔː tɪn

Noun:

A DJ who can’t leave the controls alone.

 

We all love a bit of creativity on the decks and DJs who make an effort, but some tunes are so good, you just need to let them play and stop fiddling with the equipment every few seconds.

Usage: “That DJ won’t stop fiddling with the filter and FX, he’s a proper itchyhawtin.”