Continuing our series of Words That Don’t Exist But Should, here are four more things that happen to DJs and clubbers that there aren’t currently words for, and that we think there should be:

 

pioneeria

/‘paɪəˈnɪə ia

Noun:

The specific sense of anxiety experienced when DJing with an unfamiliar mixer.

 

Pioneeria is a condition that sometimes affects the more inexperienced DJ and is characterised by sweating palms, dry mouth, and looking like a scaredy-yellow-belly. DJs who are affected by pioneeria may say that they are suddenly “too hungry” to do the gig, or that they’ve remembered that they need to go and get something from their car.

 

premature djaculation

/‘prɛməˈtjʊə diːjactualtion

Verb:

When a DJs peaks too early.

Getting the tune selection right is a tricky skill, perfected over many years. Sometimes DJs judge the crowd wrong and bust out the big guns too early, leaving the rest of their set falling a bit flat. If this happens, its best to be sympathetic and remind the DJ that it happens to everyone and that it really doesn’t matter, we’ll try again in a bit.

 

sighnesia

/‘saɪ nesia

Noun:

The particular melancholy DJs get mid-set when they realise that the promoter has left without paying them.

You might just catch the sight of the back of their head through the crowd as they sneak off and there is literally nothing you can do: you can’t just leave the decks to chase the promotor through the back streets of an unfamiliar city. Instead, a strange pensiveness settles over you as you realise, great as the gig might be, you’ve just been knocked for your fee. Best to think of it like a music industry badge of honour, or a battle scar - you’ve made it, you’re successful enough for people to rob you!

 

toadblock

/'təʊd blɒk

Noun:

The term given to a strategically placed elbow, positioned to prevent physical contact with a heavily sweating clubber coming in for a hug.

 

Ahh, we love you, we really do, but bruh you are really sweaty right now, gonna have to administer a toadblock.